My parents divorced and the only other father figure I trusted, my uncle, started molesting me from when I was about 12 until the age of 14. After he was done with me he would stuff a wad of money into my hand. I guess that is how he rationalized his actions, that he was helping out the cast off child of his poor divorced sister. Anyways, I never felt attractive or wanted other than for his nasty pleasures. I started working out to protect myself but I still felt small and unattractive. After high school I kept working out and I guess I looked good because I get quite a bit of attention from girls and women and never had trouble in that area. But I feel hollow and my relationships never go anywhere.

While in college, one day I was cutting thru the art department and saw an ad looking for n*** art models. Something really turned me on the idea. I started doing art modeling and then started answered ads looking for models for photo shoots. It was so hot and addicting. I started answering more ads and eventually I ended up modeling for a guy who started with pics and just bit by bit worked on my inhibitions to where now he pays me sometimes twice a week to go to his place and let him do all kinds of degrading things until he cums.

I know now this pretty much the same thing with him as what my uncle did to me. I think I can’t stop because that is what I know how to do and in the moment I am totally intoxicated and turned on being used. I want to see a professional about this but I am ashamed what they will think of me.