I am in so much pain. My business has fallen off a cliff. The government says it’s going to help but there is nothing there for me. I’m trying to fight my way out but there are obstacles at every turn. The banks say they are there to help but nothing has changed for them. I’ve worked so hard for 4 years and it’s all going down the drain. A large mining supply company I supply to has left me holding $100k worth of their stock and they are refusing to take it. They have said they still need it but it could be 12 months. I’ll loose my house by then. I’ve told them this and they just don’t care because it will make the monthly accounts look bad. I feel like a total failure and I feel totally alone. I have no friends, I have no relationship with my brothers any more, my marriage is like living with a room mate that doesn’t really like me anymore, my kids are great though but I know I am failing right in front of their eyes and it’s killing me. I know they love me and care for me but it hurts so much knowing how much damage my sadness is impacting them. The mornings are the worst. I generally wake up around 3 – 4 with my mind racing on the things I need to do today to make sure I don’t go under. I try to go back to sleep but can’t. Eventually I go back to sleep and then can’t get up because I’m exhausted. I try to make a plan of achievable tasks for the day but just get bogged with indecision. I’m frightened of everything and with good reason I think, as every decision I’m making lately is a bad one. My head feels like it’s going to implode with the pressure. I’m not considering hurting myself but also think about car accidents and that if I did die I wouldn’t really mind. I told my wife how dark I was feeling the other day and she got angry at me and wanted to know how, because I had been feeling good at the weekend. I guess that’s how this hits you. One day you’re ok and the next you’re not. I know people say you’re not alone, but I just have no idea who can help me or how they could help me. I don’t feel strong enough to talk to anyone, so writing this out I think has helped.