everything is just going downhill. i still haven't told my family that i have smoked before, or that i want to keep smoking. i think i might have

7 years

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everything is just going downhill. i still haven’t told my family that i have smoked before, or that i want to keep smoking. i think i might have derealization/depersonalization disorder, but there’s no proper therapists in the area that can diagnose me and get me treatment for it. i like to pretend that i’m fine without a relationship, and compared to the dependence i used to have on one i do, but i still want so desperately to be loved that i’d even get into a relationship i know would be bad for me to get even just the smallest amount of romantic attention. every time my best friend shows how happy he and his girlfriend are with each other it gets harder to be single (i don’t want to date him anymore, i just want to date someone). i’m not going to kill myself, it never works for me anyway, but i know i’ll just keep getting more and more exhausted until there’s nothing left of me. nothing recognizable anyway

New Confession

I knew what my girlfriend and her best friends boyfriend were doing in that room.
I could hear the bed creaking gradually getting faster until it was all out loud and careless. They were not sleeping after the party. I felt powerless to stop them and I didn’t tell her friend what happened out of shame. They both blatantly cheated and they got away with it.

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Short and sweer, nothing lurid. Never assume the predators are only men. Even mothers are, aunts and cousins are, sisters and grandmothers are. The motivations for women who engage in SA are simply different than those of male predators.