I'm a 15 year old girl and this is my pain. My parents are believers that there is only one way to love, and that is love between a man and a woman,

7 years

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I’m a 15 year old girl and this is my pain.
My parents are believers that there is only one way to love, and that is love between a man and a woman, anything else is wrong and a sin.
I decided to follow my heart, to be honest with myself and I “came out” to my friends and close ones, except my family. I started talking to a girl, and my interest in her kept growing everytime we spoke, it was amazing. Eventually, she became my girlfriend and I was so proud of saying that out loud. I recieved major support from her friends and mine, but, my town is pretty small, and, the rumors began to spread. My parents work in the town’s most popular “taquería”, almost everyone eats there, and, somebody told them.
When they found out “my way of loving was wrong”, they couldn’t bare to look me in the eye, blaming society, my friends, themselves, blaming, anything, basically, but, mostly, my girlfriend. I tried to talk and explain that my s***** orientation was not magically chosen from one night to another, but, my words don’t seem to be loud enough. I stopped talking to my friends, I stopped talking to my girlfriend, my smile faded away, I was forced to isolate myself from everything I loved, everyone. My father’s eyes bursted into flames everytime my girlfriend was mentioned, my mother’s rage consumed my being whenever she caught me talking to my girlfriend.
I got anxiety just being in my house, knowing that they were there, just ready to remind me how dissapointed they will always be in me, I couldn’t handle the fact that my family saw me as Satan himself, that they wouldn’t allow me to be with my girlfriend because she is a girl and they kept insisting that she was brainwashing me… so, I tried to commit suicide several times, but, it didn’t go how I planned, because, I’m still here, alive.
For a moment, life kept seeming less and less worth continuing, and, it killed me so much. My mother screaming offensive, homofobic slurs to me, over and over, made me want to just disapear. It hurt. I kept in contact with my girlfriend, and, we continued, secretly.
Up to this day, we are still together and we are fighting our family’s hate so we can be together. She never left my side and I can say she’s the main reason my feet are still on the ground. I understand I’m just a teen, which is why I’m listening to my parents, they are the ones who feed me, put a roof over my head, so, I have no other option than to keep suffering from their constant insults and slaps. I tried to pretend to be straight, but, it only brought me more insults. I hope to leave my house as soon as I turn 18, no matter the consequences, I just can’t take more pain. I’m afraid of myself, sometimes I don’t have control and I harm myself; I’m afraid of what will happen if the hate keeps growing. I’ll have to be strong, though, for my girlfiend, for the little people who care about me…

New Confession

Some of this i learned and processed years after when my mother told me. Even when i was an infant if i was crying or fussy she would fondle my g e n i t a l s to soothe me and take me to breast. Apparently even when she was trying to toilet train as a first reward system she would do it as a reward. When i was no longer bedwetting she had me sleep in her bed. She continued to brrastfeed me for many years, long past puberty. She did so to make me obedient whether it was good grades or chores or general behavior. When school first started it was neurotic so she escalated it. At some point that i remember from around 7 or 8 she would use her mouth as a special treat. She also said she did it because boys are dirty and bad. She said she did it to keep me from shaming or degrading myself. When hair began to grow on my body she kept me shaved because she said ikept me her cute little boy. She did not tell me this until i dreamt it but apparently overnight she would commonly at same general age have me lay on top of her and rub my p e n i s against her between her legs. These things happened commonly until the first time i e j a c ulated when she had her mouth on me. From that event on she would have me enter her and climax every morning and every night at bedtime. To her it was keeping me good and focused and making good grades all the way through college (local, lived with her). It continued until her age made it too difficult to do safely and she eventually had of her in home caretakers serve as her surrogate for higher pay. I still see that caretaker since my mother died and i continue to oay her to visit her several times a week. I have never dated or been with any other women. Mother got me addicted to infantile headspace s** for control and i have no ability to be attracted to or date or have relationship,s** because i am helplessly trapped in that whole messed up mommy mentality.

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Short and sweer, nothing lurid. Never assume the predators are only men. Even mothers are, aunts and cousins are, sisters and grandmothers are. The motivations for women who engage in SA are simply different than those of male predators.