I regret leaving my marriage.
I was a wild and precocious 21 year old when I met my now ex husband. We married young and divorced young. I was too immature and insecure to respect being a wife. I was in out of his life and missed out on a lot of opportunities to make it work and most importantly building a life with the man I was crazy in love with. I would cry, overreact, and cause a lot of drama because I was not comfortable in my own skin, so I acted out in deviant ways. In wake of all that, destiny steered someone new in his path, and I could nothing but bow out of the marriage.
Today, I am thriving. Working hard, and trying to maintain my life the best way I can. I’ve worked on myself and found light through the dark times. I’ve always respected him and the fact he moved on and made a new life with her. We were recently in contact after over 10 years of no communication. He confessed his new marriage is not in the best of shape but is trying to make it work.
I tried to be encouraging and compassionate to his plight, but it’s painful hearing him refer to her as his ‘wife’ and talk about their life together. I try my hardest to keep it together to let him know things will get better and I’m here for him no matter what.
Honestly, I’ve thought about blocking his number for peace of mind and clarity, but I don’t want to turn my back on him. I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do. In my minds eye, I wish I can turn back time and do everything different, but I know I cannot change the past, no matter how much I try. I must move forward and hope that someday he will heal and so will I. I understand it’s never good to pine for what once was, it’s hard for me not pour my heart to him and tell him all the things that were left unsaid.
In truth, I still love him and miss him. In which he will probably never know. I never thought I would ever feel this way, but I do. If I confess this to him, I know he’ll reject me and probably will never speak to me again. So I am acknowledging the truth but keeping my own path. I will never confess this to him, because he is married and there is a child involved and I never want to break up a home. It’s not in me to do that. If I didn’t love him, this would be far easier to handle, but I guess the love never really went away.
I’m tired of reflecting on the pain and the loss. And all I can do now is continue on my path and keep peace and faith in my heart.
All Comments
You were too young for marriage back then and you needed to burn off some of your youth before you were ready to move on with your life and although you loved your ex, it was not the right time for you.
Time has passed and you can see where you could have made things a lot easier for both of you, but you can’t turn back the clock and neither can he.
It is OK to regret in hindsight, but you have to accept that the past is past and move on with your life as he has done.
We all make mistakes and there are times when I wished I had not made some of the mistakes I made in life and not been with women (I’m a man) that I really had feelings for, but it was not the right time for them and they were not delivering what I was looking for, so I moved on.
“Today, I am thriving. Working hard, and trying to maintain my life the best way I can. I’ve worked on myself and found light through the dark times”
Use that impetus to start looking around again for your ideal mate, but be careful who you meet and make sure that each person is real and not a Catfish, so if, for some reason, you never get to meet them on a date, you know that they probably are not real, so drop them off and try again, until you find a good one.
You might look up their name on Google or any other search base, just to make sure they don’t have a concealed history, you really should know about, after all, all you get to see is what they want you to see, as it is with you to them and you really don’t want to end up with a bad guy, pretending to be something else.