I only have one real, true, honest friend. Someone I can hang out with, and not be uncomfortable around. He's leaving in a few months. He's not coming

7 years

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I only have one real, true, honest friend. Someone I can hang out with, and not be uncomfortable around.

He’s leaving in a few months. He’s not coming back.

I’ve lost everyone. I’ve lost every friend I’ve ever had. I moved, they moved, they changed, I snapped. Every year, I lose my best friend, and get a new one.

I want to die. I want to die so much. I can’t lose him. He’s all I have anymore – I know I should get a life, put myself into other things (work, exercise, hobbies, family, other friends, school, etc) but I can’t. I’m so weak and tired and stupid. I just want to be happy, honestly happy, for more than a few hours. I’m tired of having to crash every single day. If I put effort into anything, I get nothing out of it.

If it makes things sound any more pathetic, I’m ‘friends with benefits’ with this guy. We both have feelings for each other, but he has a boyfriend, back where he’s returning to soon. He loves his boyfriend more than he ever will me (he’s gay, I’ve got a female body), and that’s okay. I’m happy for him, for them – all I’d ever want is his happiness, not mine – but I don’t know how I’m going to survive it when he leaves, and they’re back together. Losing him. Failing at something I shouldn’t have ever thought or tried to win.

It’ll be summer when he leaves, and I’ll be stuck at my house. My parents are loud, paranoid, angry, depressed, and in a marriage that should have broken up years ago. My mother is an alcoholic. My dad has anger issues. I constantly stay at school or hang out with my friend to avoid them, but come summer, I’ll have neither of those things. It’s so ironic, so funny, but so sad.

I love my friend. I hope that by some miracle, I die before he leaves. I’ve lived for too long – everything has gone on for far too f****** long. I’m tired of hating the world, when it’s such a good place, and I have so much I should live for and be happy about.

I’ve never been good enough. I’ve never been enough. I’ve never meant anything, to anyone or any.. thing.

I just want someone to love me, and stay. My friend, my parents, anyone – I can’t take it alone anymore.

New Confession

Before time began,
there was the Cube.
We know not where it comes from, only that it holds the power to create worlds and fill them with life. That is how our masterrace was born.
For a time,
we lived in harmony.
But like all great power,
some wanted it for good,
others for evil.
And so began the war.
A war that ravaged our planet until it was consumed by death,
and the Cube was lost to the far reaches of space.
We scattered across the galaxy, hoping to find it and rebuild our home.
Searching every star,
every world.
And just when all hope seemed lost, message of a new discovery drew us to an unknown planet called… Earth.
the All Spark fells to Earth
But we were already too late

Optimus Primer

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