I’m just so lonely. I’m too weird, too ugly, too disabled, too mentally ill, too stupid, too everything. I can only talk with people online, on video games, but I get depressed when they talk about their irl and I think what they would think of me if they knew me or saw me irl. I don’t talk about how I go to grocery store with headphones and sunglasses on, how I get episodes and how I spend all my time inside my home alone.

I’m just so tired of my life being like this and I don’t see any way to change it. I meant to see old friends today, after not having had any human contact irl for weeks, but I had a horrible panic attack and couldn’t leave the house. I sent a message to them, saying I couldn’t make it. They didn’t answer and I’ve been spiraling since then, sure that I’ve ruined my last irl contacts outside my parents and siblings.

I’m just tired and my head feels like it’s exploding from everything. Life just keeps getting worse year by year, and I’m only a waste and burden on society.

I won’t ever be able to work. I won’t be able to hold any meaningful relationship. My family is ashamed of me.

What the f*** is the point of anything?