I think my dad is abusive. I’ve never thought too much about it because he never hit me or anything like that, but recently I’ve been looking closely at other families and realizing this is way different. He never listens to what I say, yells at me for the smallest of things, literally takes my door off the hinges if the room isn’t clean (Which is really bad because I have complex PTSD from this whole thing, and just having my door open gives me panic attacks) and on nights like tonight I am forbidden from sleeping on the basis that I didn’t get done an impossible amount of work from the day. I’ve passed out multiple times from the amount of work he expects of me and I have panic attacks 1-3 times a week.

I really want to get out of this house into a better living situation. However, I am nearly seventeen now and in a very bad place financially. I wouldn’t be able to support myself, but I doubt there would be any families willing to take in someone for only a year before they go to college. Things are getting worse every day and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Part of me feels bad because he isn’t aware he’s being abusive. It’s a side-effect of being an indentured servant to other family members who take out their anger on him. Then he takes that out on me. But that doesn’t change the fact that I so badly want to get away. I’m not suicidal or anything but I often wonder how much more peaceful it would be it I just didn’t exist.

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