I tried to kill myself right after I graduated from high school and moved into my first apartment. That was 5 years ago and I have trouble making long term goals. Everything seems futile, I do not even have to think about any scenarios where things go wrong if I died years ago. Every small bad thing that happens to me makes me want to die and the fact that I tried to and lived through it makes me feel like s***. I had a pretty big job interview recently and the question of “where do you see yourself in 5 years” put me into a full panic attack in a very professional and social setting. I genuinely feel like I’m never going to recover. I cannot make long term commitments because I do not see the point of living through the feeling I get when something goes wrong and knowing I could’ve opted out years ago
