To day is the first day that I have taken the time to think about you and actually write about it instead of concentrating on getting you off of my mind.

15 years

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To day is the first day that I have taken the time to think about you and actually write about it instead of concentrating on getting you off of my mind. Either way you are always on my mind, im my dreams, and my mundane tasks, recently listening to our favourites , live.. was like your name was riding out at the end of every single note I could hear. Your face ever so prevalent in my mind, I don’t know what I have done to you, I am unable to understand or comprehend, and I swear to you sweet heart of mine you can not imagine the turmoil you have brought to my life. Like an iceberg pieces of my soul fall into the sea every day, but only for now I will admit to this, all the rest of my time is taken repairing the damage.

I don’t know at what point you began to look at me with resent, but I know you did, and you never had to say it, I could feel it every day. My inability to communicate effectively was the helping hand in borrowing myself deeper into the abyss of falling from your love. Things I done and said every day, a little more resent built up within you. I heard the call, all but to late, just like a story from the book of fables, a tale that in the end had to be told.

A love like no other, I swear to your sweet smiling face, you had my heart from day one.

And now? I will go on, I will progress, I will fill in all the holes that lie within, with relentless anticipation of things to come. For now I know our love is truly gone and resting with the lonely final words of its over. xxxx

New Confession

The rain fell steadily outside, blurring the windows of the small apartment where Artemis stood, rigid and silent. Luna sat across from him, her eyes swollen, her fur matted from tears. Between them was a canyon of betrayal that no words seemed able to cross.

“You lied to me for months,” Artemis said finally, his voice low and shaking. “You let me hold you, sleep beside you, while you carried someone else’s child. While I treated your illness like it was some mystery flu.”

Luna shrank under his gaze. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, Artemis.”

“But it did,” he growled. “And now I have to get tested, again. I have to explain to Diana why I moved out. Why you’re having a kitten that isn’t hers. That isn’t ours.”

She couldn’t meet his eyes. “I thought we were drifting apart. I was lonely. You were so focused on Diana, on being perfect. I felt invisible.”

“I was being a father,” Artemis snapped. “To our daughter.”

“And I felt like nothing more than the kitten-sitter when you weren’t home!” Luna’s voice cracked. “He was just… there. And I made the worst mistake of my life.”

Artemis stared at her, the silence afterward more painful than shouting could have been. “And the STD?” he asked, colder now.

She flinched. “He didn’t tell me. I didn’t know.”

“But you knew before I did,” Artemis said. “And you still let me—” He stopped, disgusted. “I can’t stay here.”

He turned and left, the door shutting behind him with a thud that echoed through the stillness.

—

A few days later, Diana came to visit. She sat stiffly on Luna’s couch, her arms crossed, lips thin with disappointment.

“You said you loved Dad,” she said.

“I do,” Luna replied. “I always did.”

“Then why?”

Luna looked down at the floor, at her paws that had done so much wrong. “Because I was weak. And I thought love was about being chosen, every day. I didn’t realize I had to choose it too—even on the lonely days.”

Diana didn’t respond, only glanced at the nursery door. A faint whimper echoed from inside.

“You have a half-sister,” Luna said quietly. “Not the baby. Someone else. Before you were born, I had a kitten I gave up. I never told anyone. I thought I could start over with you and your father. I thought I could be new.”

Diana stood up slowly. “You didn’t need to be new, Mom. You just needed to be honest.”

Luna reached out but didn’t touch her. “Are you going back to him?”

“I live with Dad now,” Diana said. “He didn’t lie to me. He didn’t break us.”

She walked to the door, hesitating before opening it.

“Why couldn’t it be like it used to?” she asked without turning around.

Luna’s voice came after a long silence, almost inaudible. “Because I broke what we had… and I can’t unbreak it.”

Diana left. And Luna sat alone, listening to the quiet cry of a kitten who hadn’t asked to be born into the ruins of something once whole.

Related Confessions

I got mad at my boyfriend for talking to other girls in front of me, while I sat on his best friends lap. I feel like a hypocrite but at the same time I feel valid. My boyfriend asked me to do this, to play this role with his friend. My boyfriend and I are not supposed to be seen together in front of certain friends of his, and at this party I had to pretend to be his best friends girl so that no other guy would try to hit on me. Okay, so I played along and was now the girlfriend of his best friend. I did not tell him to flirt with other ladies right in front of me, or to dance with them. So I’m feeling petty, mad, and his friend is buying me drink after drink. I’m upset that I can’t be on my boyfriend so I start milking it with the friend, my ‘boyfriend’ of the night. I hold on his waist, I sit on his lap, to other couples that we talk to ‘we’re going to try for a child this year’, like we’re playing the part to a T, he’s feeling on me, were dancing naughty on the floor. I’ve never danced with anyone like that and I had a really good time with him because he looked after me so well. He didn’t even let me go to the bathroom alone, he’d wait by the door. He was so sweet. But I was so upset at my boyfriend for not even like trying to come say hi, check on me or anything. He was too busy with other ladies. By the end of the night, I was pretty toasty. I don’t even remember going to the last bar, but I remember being there again on his friends lap. He’d just hold me and talk to me while my boyfriend was again, talking to another girl. I told my ‘boyfriend of the night’ how upset it made me, and how I didn’t want to put up with it. Maybe I said a little much.. and I kind of regret it. I didn’t and wouldn’t kiss the friend, I would not sleep with the friend. But my boyfriend said ‘i’m not upset, but if I was not there i’m sure things would have escalated between the two of you’. Which I kind of took offense to because I was doing what he told me to! I’ve only been with two guys and him! Three total, I don’t sleep around! and he has the nerve to say that. I don’t know. I’m upset, but I also feel like a hypocrite. Maybe I milked it too hard by dancing with the friend, by holding his thigh while we sat together. UGH I get flustered just thinking about it! But he made me feel safe and like I could do those things without anything more happening! He was kind and didn’t push any limits. There was no risk between us. But I did have a good time. I am debating on whether or not to message the friend (get this, the friend and I are connected on social media but my own bf won’t unblock me because he can’t risk people knowing about us because hes married..) ANYWAY I was debating on whether or not to message the friend and just thank him for the night. and also apologize for.. getting a little sloppy and handsy.. I hold my face in embarrassment just thinking about it.
I asked my bf after that night if he was upset with me, and he say’s ‘Nah I really don’t care, just s*** me off’. . .
I’m so … stupid.

So after writing this, I messaged the friend. I apologized for getting handsy and thanked him for the fun night. He said he had a GREAT time with me and that I should be brought out to dance more. (I never get taken out to dance.) The realization of all of this is making me cry lol.. I’m feeling even more conflicted than I was ten minutes ago. . . Well time to go back to work in the office now.