• 4 months ago
  • 198 Views
  • 1 2

I was late for work this morning because I slept in. I slept in because I didn’t get to sleep until 2 hours before my shift. I was up all night planning my suicide. I want out of this life.

I can never sleep during the work week, and am constantly exhausted. I hate my body most of all, I blame it for the way my life turned out. Short of surgery there nothing I can do, and even that wouldn’t help that much. I’m in my 30s, I’ve never been in love, I don’t think I can be. I’ve been raped so many times, my heart has turned to stone. My friends have all left me, despite all the effort I put into them. I’m not just not a likeable person I guess.

I use to have hobbies, but anymore I’m so tired, I can’t enjoy them. All I do is work, dream of love I’ll never have, and work some more. I’m going crazy, I’m losing hours out of the day, sometimes I reread what I wrote and there are just words missing from sentences.

I cut the shit out of my arm last night. It was my first time, I never thought I would do that. I’ve attempted suicide before, but it was more a cry for help than self harm. I enjoyed cutting myself. The way it stings feels good. I’ll do it again tonight. Maybe if I keep distracting myself with this, I can live a little longer. But why? I’m just a waste of space.

All Comments

  • You need & deserve therapy. Please find some.

    Anonymous April 23, 2019 10:27 pm Reply
  • Attendance at work is very important. Try not to be late again.

    Anonymous April 23, 2019 10:37 pm Reply
    • I have been a soulless husk all day, but this comment made me burst out laughing on the side walk. I probably looked as crazy as I am, so thanks.

      Anonymous April 23, 2019 10:49 pm Reply
      • I’m glad you liked it. Laughing is good for you!

        Anonymous April 23, 2019 11:09 pm Reply
  • If you’re really not happy drop everything and leave. Do what you want, make your dreams come true, this job probably won’t be worth it in the end. If you feel like it, move to another city, meet new people, reach out to friends. Tell someone how you feel, I know it’s hard but you’ll feel much better. Start focusing on how you can be a happier person

    Anonymous April 23, 2019 10:57 pm Reply
    • Pick a service, pick a challenge, set yourself apart! Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, is a great place….TO START!

      Anonymous April 23, 2019 11:08 pm Reply
  • You don’t plan suicide, you want attention

    Anonymous April 24, 2019 12:20 am Reply
    • Isn’t that the exact opposite? When I attempted suicide in the past, it was spontaneous, I reached a breaking point and needed help.

      I’m planning my suicide because I know my death will affect others and I want to do it as ethically as possible. I don’t believe in an after life but better safe than sorry right?

      Anonymous April 24, 2019 2:37 am Reply

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