Im just a regular 16 year old girl who’ve been through depression for almost 3 years. I suffer from insecurities and anxiety. Most of the times, depression just gets me bc I’m fat, you see. Well ppl don’t call me names anymore for more than 4 years but somehow the negativities just gets me. I always dream of having a mutual feeling with a guy i truly like but i know that is not gonna happen.. my friends even said that “someone like that guy, it’s impossible to be attracted to you”, heck that was act my bff that said it. I also experienced some difficulties with my parents. I remembered there was this one time where I’ve been coughing and practically not feeling well straight for 3 weeks, almost a month until at one point i could feel my left ear hurting in the inside. So i talked about it to my dad and I persist to go to a doctor bc i simply need the prescription for my hurting left ear. What the doctor diagnosed me was horrible, he said there were nothing wrong with me and my father believed the doctor regardless of the pain that i felt. My father had to paid for almost (24 usd) which was actually quite expensive in my country, and my father was pissed off. He said that I was being a baby and that my sickness was a tool of attracting attention and that bc of me, he had to spent a lot of money on something that he (thought) was not serious. Later that night I took all the prescriptions and took more from some old prescriptions that i had, just so that I could heal faster and won’t be a burden to my family. I know that by taking more prescriptions can lead to overdose- but I proceeded in order to be healthy super super quick. Up until now, i already took a whole lot of slimming supplements that my mom bought, i accepted without thinking of my health because i remembered that one time where she said she regret having a big fat daughter like me that is not as slim and not as pretty as her. Day by day, i just wished i can go away from this world. I don’t want to suicide bc it’s a big sin in my religion. So basically I’m just hanging onto the ropes, waiting for my hands to get tired and then, finally let it go.
