• 2 months ago

My boyfriend is an absolute dream come true!
I don’t deserve him at all. And shouldn’t have entered into a relationship with him when I did.

The lie is he believes I am divorced with my abusive husband with whom I’ve been separated from for 5 years.

Before providing an answer as to why I am responsible for such a mess, I must add a disclaimer. The information below shows personal beliefs of certain people. I personally no longer share these Christian views due to valid reasons that I will not be discussing for personal reasons. I do not however group all Christians or personal views of others into a single category, if you will. I understand that amongst the Christian community there are many different view points. And I will not be dogging any beliefs or religions I will simply be providing such religious beliefs for readers to understand certain thought processes and decisions made at the time.

Now the reason I haven’t divorced from my husband is mainly due to lack of money to even file, and I have been denied legal aid. On top of that, he refused to even agree to a divorce. The reason he gives me for denying me a divorce is because “it’s a sin”. Which isn’t true. It’s not truly a sin. It simply doesn’t look good in this particular church for a church leader to have any issues with his marriage, especially to be divorced. It’s expected that a man with a leadership role of any kind in this church must have his wife and kids under control and have their complete obedience. To be such a man means, based off this result of obedience from his wife and children, shows to everyone else, that the man is doing everything within his household the right and godly way. Which means he is favored by god and has earned his leadership role.

The problem is, I know I should tell my bf the truth, but have all the same, decided not to. This doesn’t stop the constant nagging of deep guilt.

I have decided to not tell him because my bf is very honorable and if he finds out the truth, he will most definitely leave me. This is selfish on my part, I know. And he doesn’t deserve to be lied to. But I am a coward. I have had a crush on this man since I was 14 years old. And could not believe my ears when he asked me out to dinner one night nearly 3 years ago. I was so desperate to have the possibility of genuine love. That I agreed to a dinner with him, despite still being legally married. We’ve only fallen deeper in love since that day.

To add to the mess, I am currently pregnant with his child, due in just a few weeks.

I am wronging the man I love for selfish reasons, and now there’s an innocent baby involved.

I’m a pretty shitty person for this.