I was convicted of a crime that I didn’t commit.

Actually, I confessed to get a plea bargain.

The sheriff came to my isolation cell and told me that he was going to see to it that the jury would come back with a guilty verdict.

He told me that he was going to see to it that the judge gave me 20 years.

I spent 456 days in jail. Half of that was in solitary. That changed the way that my mind works. That much isolation is …. I can’t explain it. My mind doesn’t see things like other people see things.

Back to the confession.

The day before my trial my lawyer talked to the person that claimed I had done something.

This person, for some reason or another, had a come to Jesus moment and had wrote me a letter saying that she knew that I didn’t do it.

I sent that letter to my lawyer the day that I got it. After that I had hope for a few days until my lawyer told me that if she recanted her accusation she would be in trouble.

After that I knew she wouldn’t say it on the stand. I lost hope again, after all, because of the sheriff, I knew that I was going down for 20 years.

I started to accept my fate and I started planning h********** myself when I got to prison.

The day before the jury selection for my trial began my lawyer surprised me. He told me that he had talked to my wife and told her he had the letter and he was going to put her on the stand.

She agreed to talk to the prosecutor.

I was offered a plea bargain. All I had to do is say that I did it and I would get time served and 10 years probation.

I struggled with this because my word had always meant so much to me. I didn’t want to lie and say that I did it.

I chose to save my life. I took the plea bargain. I lied to the judge and I said that I was guilty.

I walked out of that jail and into the sunlight. I had only been out in the sun about 10 times in the 456 days and mainly to go to the doctor.

I had chosen to save my life and destroy my honor. It is hard to live with but the alternative was unthinkable.

I lied to save my life.

That was 6 years ago and the lie still haunts me.

I have 4 years of probation left.

I never leave the house except for probation twice a month. I am afraid of the police. Once you realize that the good guys aren’t always the good guys, you never see the world in the same way.

You never feel safe. I keep poison in 2 places in my house so I can take it before they can get me.

I have gained so much weight that I can barely walk. My breathing is horrible. I expect to die before the probation ends. I am looking forward to it.