• 5 years ago
  • 365 Views

Everything I’m doing is a lie.

I lie to my current “boyfriend” (I use air quotes because he wants the relationship but I do not, but that situation is a whole other story). I tell him that I love him and I don’t feel that way towards him anymore. He is the father of my child and I will always love him but after what he has done to me and the way he has treated me for so long I just lost everything I felt for him and am faking it everyday because I don’t know how to leave him. Because of this I cheat on him, every day. I cheat on him with his old best friend. They were best buds in high school until I slept with his friend and he found out 2 years later. I feel deeply towards this other guy but I know he doesn’t feel the same because he is terrified of my “boyfriend” and what he would do if he found out about us still sleeping together. So I push past those feeling and flirt with a girlfriend of mine. She’s also slept with the guy I am currently cheating on my “boyfriend” with. I set them up actually. We all want to have a threeway now. I also flirt with a guy who is 10 years older than me from my old job. He has a girlfriend and I know that what I am doing with him is wrong but f*** it’s just so fun and he’s so into me and it feels good to be wanted by someone else.

So in short… I’m cheating on my off again, on again “boyfriend” who is the father of my child, with his ex-best friend, the girl his ex-bestfriend slept with that I helped set up that now wants to have a threeway with me (oh and I forgot to mention but she’s also engaged to another guy and me and her use to fool around and f*** when we hung out together), and a guy from my old job that is 10 years older than me and has a girlfriend.

And the biggest lie is that none of them know that I’m sleeping with other people. My “boyfriend” thinks I’m being faithful and sleeping with only him. The ex-bestfriend doesn’t know that I’m back together with my “boyfriend”. The guy that’s older than me has no idea that I even still talk to my “boyfriend” and has no idea I’m sleeping with 2 guys and girl currently.

I feel almost nothing about the whole situation. I just don’t care anymore. I know I’m being a s*** and a w**** and a home-wrecker, I’m just miserably unhappy with my life.

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