im in love with one of my closest friends, even though i have a bf. i feel awful about it bc ive been with my bf for 3 years and ive caught feelings for someone ive only known for 5 months, yet we consider each other one of the people closest to us
anytime i hang out with my friend i cant stop smiling; anytime i look back at recordings and clips of us playing games together, i feel absolutely giddy with joy. hes genuinely one of the sweetest people i know and i want to be around him all the time, even if we’re quiet and doing our own thing. i want to fall asleep on call with him every night and i want to listen whenever he needs to vent to someone
ive told him things i havent even told my own bf, like the full details of one of the worst months of my life and how truly affected i am by my dog’s passing. ik it sounds corny, but he makes me feel warm inside, and i trust him with all of me. i make jokes with him that i dont make with my own bf, hell i talk to him more than my own bf. its really gross of me
ik that we realistically dont have a chance; we live in different countries, hes figuring out his s******** and has stated that hes probably not romantically interested in guys, and hes not looking for a partner at the moment
even if we could work, how could i leave my current bf? i still love him, but with this new development i cant even tell if its romantic or if its changed to just platonic. and i know its a horrible thing to wish for, but sometimes i want my bf to break up with me so i wont have to be the one who breaks his heart, since we’ve made so many promises to each other over the last 3 years
i really love my friend and i wish i couldve stopped myself from falling in love with him