I am guilty for a lot of horrible habits, most notably masterbation and gambling addictions. I am young at 23 yrs old and all I want to do is escape this world as the M*********** thing has been going on for maybe around 10-13 years and the gambling 1 year. I’m so afraid that these habits will be my downfall from having a happy fulfilling life. It’s hard to look at myself and tell myself things will be better but now as I’m writing this I don’t think there’s hope for me. I imagine killing a figmentation of myself because I pose a front to friends but fear they’ll hate me if I am to tell them who I truly am and what I suffer from. I pose as the happy and funny type but deep down I am a pathetic low life no go getting piece of dogshit that doesn’t deserve life at all. I always wonder “what would it feel like not to think ever again?”