We started dating this year, right before I turned 20, but I didn’t get her age right. I thought she was 18 turning 19 this year, but, as it turned out, she is 17. Now, please understand that the age gap made me very anxious, but I was too scared to break her heart right at the start of our relationship, so I followed through. She told her family about us, which was surprising since you’d usually wait for a bit of time before doing so, and they were okay with it. In fact, they love me. Similarly, I had to tell mine, because they saw how anxious I was every day, and all they said was to be careful.
The real issue starts here: I wasn’t careful. That girl is the horniest person that I have met my whole life, and from the start of our relationship, she has not stopped talking about her s***** fantasies and how she wants me. Still, we both made it clear that nothing would happen until she turned 18, but even that felt off to me. My brother said I was pre-ordering, which sounds messed up, but that’s his humour. Well, the more I was being tempted, the harder it was to resist, and before I could even realise it, I had pulled down my pants and she had grabbed my p****. That was mostly it on that day. She just grabbed it. A few weeks later, she was already grinding on my s**, fortunately with her clothes on, and I still couldn’t stop it. Here comes the worst. Right after grinding on me, she sat between my legs, and I couldn’t help but slip my hand in her p****** and rub her p****. She didn’t stop me. In fact, she was enjoying it, until she got a bit hurt and I immediately got a wakeup call. I told her it was enough since we had never done that before. I felt so grossed out by what I had done.
I’m not looking for pity. I have never hated myself that much before and I think I deserve it. I just had to get it off my chest. Earlier today, I told her how our relationship makes me anxious, and that I don’t think she’s mature enough for us to be doing this. From the way she responded, I’m guessing this story won’t end well. I shouldn’t be making excuses, but I haven’t fallen that hard for someone in 2 years after my last relationship. Part of me felt compelled to go along with her s***** tendencies, but, obviously, the other part of me was simply overcome by the worst vice of them all. I’m sorry Mom and Dad. I’m just gross.