My pen name is Samuel Lucas and I am a pretend cryptographer in my mind. My ego-fueled agenda is so large that, when combined with my perpetual feelings of intellectual inadequacy, I push BLAKE and committing AEAD like there is no tomorrow. I falsely claim that BLAKE has had sufficient cryptanalysis when in reality, it lost multiple contests and nobody uses it. I rudely dismiss all non-committing-AEAD efforts and arbitrarily proclaim bizarre standards. Being interested in psychology, I know all about projection and jealousy, and yet I am not strong enough to recognize it in myself. I apologize to all cryptographers for spreading lies in order to promote my arbitrary agenda.