my whole family thinks i’ve been sober for the past year…

I’m 19 (f) and about a year ago a spiraled into a really horrible state of addiction.

it started with drinking, i moved out for the first time and had a lot of free time, i started drinking more bc i was bored. the house started to creep me out, keeping me up at night, so i started drinking to fall asleep. it spiraled over the course of 2 months ish to me drinking all hours of the day. Taking shots in the bathroom at work, as soon as I woke up, as soon as i did anything really. I felt more drunk when I stopped drinking and it got really bad really fast. I realized I couldn’t not drink and at one point when i ran out of alcohol i started hallucinating. so instead of addressing the problem i just kept on drinking.

my roommate stopped coming home because she said she was “tired of watching me kill myself.” i didn’t realize it at the time, but i legitimately looked like i was dying. and i was dying

I don’t remember anything leading up to it but i fell into a drug binge. I stayed up doing coke with friends for days on end, and when i ran out i would pop a xanax to help me sleep it off. I slept for 2 days at one point (according to my roommate).

One night after falling asleep after a coke binge (no xanax involved) I had two back to back seizures. thank god my friend happened to be in my room. it was a terrifying experience, the most terrifying and traumatic experience of my life and I have such horrible PTSD from it but I never talk about it to anyone.

after i got back from the hospital i ruled out cocaine. i don’t remember how the next part started. I just remember “waking up” and a week had gone by and i had been doing benzos and oxys for the entire time. I don’t remember a thing and it’s terrifying. I know that the guy who was giving them to me had laced me with fentanyl, which led to me overdosing and back in the hospital, and i’ve been told that he also raped me.

i could go into a lot more detail but I ended up in rehab for a while followed by intensive outpatient treatment.

i’m 19 now and everyone thinks i’ve been sober since, i mean to be fair i really have gotten my s*** together. I started my first year of college straight out of rehab and finished with good grades. I’ve made good friends, found a healthy relationship, moved into a new apartment, started teaching art classes, and have genuinely been relatively happy.

but i’m not sober. I was actually only sober for 3 weeks.

All i can say is that i feel i have control now, but im sure i said the same thing then.