I’ve lived a bad life I had 2 women in the past that loved me for me. Yet I threw that away cause of desire. I betrayed the people that loved me just as much as my own mother does. The first girl I did this to I was sad that I had became something that I never wanted to become, my dad. He’s cheated on my mom and I have taken a page from his book and did it as well. I can’t even begin to say how much this guilt is eating me alive and how much I hate myself. The first girl I did to I was sad for a while sad about becoming my father sad for doing that to her. The 2nd relationship really broke me. This girl is someone I truly loved she was my rock she would be there for me when times were rough and as would I be there for her as well. But history had to repeat itself I did it again. She taught me so many things and now I think she’s moved on with someone else. She deserves it, she deserves happiness and I just deserve to be alone. But I still can’t help but have this feeling of sadness and pain for her moving on. In my heart though I know this is necessary. This happened about 4 or 5 months ago now and every night I dream about it and the memories we had together and each and every night I resent and hate myself even more for what I did to her. I’ve never been one to confess my feelings but I feel like I have to because of what I did to these 2 amazing women. I’ve been feeling trapped ever since, I just feel lost and empty. Like a shell of who I once was. I’m scared to get back into a relationship because of my habits. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for what I’ve done to them and I know for certain they will never forgive me.
