I’ve got a girl and she really is my whole world. We were so close ever since the day we met and I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side. But I’ve had a full schedule for over 2 years now – bouncing from school (or my 1st job), going straight to work (or my second job), going straight home to her, spending the last hour or 2 of my day with her and then immediately going to sleep just to do it all over again the next day. It’s exhausting. It’s borderline depressing. And while finally coming home to her should feel like a breath of fresh air, it’s starting to feel just as laborious as the rest of my day. S** feels that way too. And mind you, we’re both women and women take a lot more effort in bed. Lesbian s** can easily last 2 hours just focusing on one person.
She lacks independence so things she could do for herself, I have to do for her after working literally all day long. She’s excited when she sees me so she’s so full energy and insists on being all over me, pestering me, all that s***. I’m a chill, low-energy person, so that gets so overwhelming so fast to me. It used to be cute, but I hate it now. It’s just irritating. I didn’t always feel this way, ya know?She used to be my haven from all the b******* I’d deal with throughout the day. It was so nice coming home to her. I feel like it’s just because of my schedule, but what if it’s not?
We talk about getting married, but what if I’m still working 2 jobs and still have to come home and cook, clean, and take care of the house while she sits on her f****** phone all day after her single shift? And the times she isn’t on her phone, she’s still getting on my f****** nerves? What if, even when I finally have a normal 9-5 schedule, she’s still doing that s***? I swear I won’t be able to deal with that for very long.
I could be overreacting, my mood has been very low lately. I could just be tired of working such a tiring schedule and taking it out in an unhealthy way. Maybe once I’m able to spend more time with her, she’ll be more chill and a little bit more distanced. Or maybe I really am starting to notice flaws that I don’t like. Regardless, I feel guilty for the way I feel and I feel even more guilty that all the aspects of our relationship are being affected. I especially feel guilty when I’m talking to people at work and their low energy feels more like a breath of fresh air than my own girlfriend does. Idk.
