I feel guilty because my spouse has hella social anxiety and stuff like that but I am an outgoing person. Especially when my depression isn’t working on my last nerve. I do have friends and I love my spouse very much. But this has been getting to me lately.
It’s likely codependency and stuff that I’m still working to grow out of. But I get hella annoyed when I try to get us to do stuff and I get told no. It’s one thing to avoid doing things when there’s a lot of people cause I can see it drains them. But there are times where they legit say no to going farther than the main street closest to our house and it bothers me.
Unfortunately when I voice that this upsets me they have to remind me they just don’t like going certain places. But it’s like… They also really don’t explore nor do they have wanderlust of any kind. Which… They’ve voiced they’d like to change eventually but like… In my mind I see it this way: If you’re gonna keep saying no to every adventure then why say you wanna go?
I feel guilty cause I feel like I’m kind of being to pushy. As always, I’m going to just try to find alternatives they might not say no to but it s****. And yes, I have asked my friends but the people around me are also introverts and homebodies. And of the 6 of us, the three that want to do anything with me are in 3 separate states. So I feel like I am going to end up forever annoyed with this situation until I’m able to go alone.
The good news is that I am getting closer to that point. But I actually love my spouse. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been with a person and with myself since we met. I want to find alternatives because I want to have adventures with them in some way. I think I’m just slowly coming to terms that I won’t really have much of a spontaneous experience with them. Which s****. I want to create memories and do something while I’m young and able. And I’d love to do that with my spouse or my friends.
I’m also worried that because I get so upset when they say no that they think I’ll leave them. I really don’t have any plans to. I love them more than I really think I understand myself. But they can get a little routine when it comes to going places and I’m just not like that. I’m scared that because of this I could lose them. That would hurt. I want a future where they’re there.
I hope something changes or I meet a new friend that will hang out and stuff. Just a friend. I really don’t want someone romantic. I have my romance and it is awesome. But I need someone to go hang out with so it’s not on the introverts in my life. I still fell guilty cause I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But the world is s*** and I just want to have fun at some point. Life hasn’t dealt me the best hand until now, I want to make the best of it.
Maybe Oshún will give me that. She gave me them so maybe I can petition her for a friend who just wants to be my friend and nothing more.
