I have been holding onto this guilt for 3 years , It started off from a breakup i had from my current boyfriend , we were on and off in our relationship and at that time i had given birth to our daughter . I had to go back to school and finish off my education while he was too but he started dating online girls again .He contacted me saying he wanted to see his little girl and i decided to meet him for the arrangements for having common grounds ,but upon meeting me he wanted to get back together saying he missed me and i knew he was seeing someone online , he told me he was gonna fix things and get back with me but than failed to do so since the girl he was with didnt want to breakup with him , so he ended up cheating on her with me but then told her secretly that he will come back to her if things did not work with me and him .I later found out he was messaging her and got furious and hurt i broke up with him and so he went back to her however i told her not to go back to him , i started knowing her and the reasons why he loved her , i saw the messages he sent her and that broke me to see it , i soon started faking an account online from her without her knowing just to see what he wrote to her and all was the same . he really did love her and begged and tried so hard to convince her i got mad and envious of her , i tried stopping him by rejecting him but he refused . Thats when it all started . I wanted to be her , I wanted him to be with her but i was all messed up and selfish and cruel i made fake accounts online of her without her knowing until i got caught by her from it. She blocked me and refused to talk to me anymore , I felt horrible and messaged her many times of how i was sorry even till now , i still have the urge to check up on her and see how shes doing or even try to be her online , I messaged her a day before telling her everything i did and i kept say im sorry for everything but she didnt care nor did she believe me in any way and told her to leave her alone , and so i did . I removed all fake accounts and deleted every fake email i made . I still feel the guilt and hurt of what i did and keep being reminded by it , Im still with him and we are trying to move on with our daughter. It took him awhile since he couldnt bear how it all ended for him , mainly the rejection from her and what he did . If you are seeing this and you are the girl im talking about , im really sorry for all those accounts i made , i know i was wrong in every way , im sorry i messed things up for you and him ,this isnt to make myself feel better but to simply do what is right and heal from my past mistakes , I will pray you find a better man and be happy with someone who deserves you . Im sorry Alexia
