I have been struggling with immense lust since I was 12. I would fantasize about various s** acts happening to me and even started m*********** (I never finished but I’m pretty sure that I’m not a virgin anymore). I also started fantasizing about being with women even though that is against my religion. I’m christian and have tried to repent multiple times but I kept crawling back. No one in my family knows about this and I’m scared to tell them what I’ve been struggling with for so long. The worst part is the terrible guilt that I feel now that I am not a virgin and didn’t wait for marriage. I’m so worried that I will never get married now and that I threw my life away. How would I even tell a boyfriend about this? When would the right time even be? I’ve never dated anyone before and I’m scared to now that I’m no longer pure. I know God probably hates me now but I really want to stop. Have I really thrown away my chances of ever being happy just for a few seconds of satisfaction? I needed to confess to someone but I couldn’t grow the balls to tell anyone in my real life. Hopefully God will forgive me and understand that I am just trying my best. I’m not sure if you can respond to confessions on here, but if you can please give me some good advice. I really need someone right now.

Thanks for listening