I’m in a healthy relationship which is full of mutual love for the first time in my life, which is why I feel the need to get this fantasy off my chest, especially as the temptation to make this fantasy a reality is very strong. I love my partner, but this fantasy has nothing to do with us or our relationship. It’s really just a feeling/experience that I crave. I keep on fantasising about speaking to, meeting up with, touching, kissing, hugging and f****** my ex. We had a very unhealthy relationship. I have an anxious attachment style, he has an avoidant attachment style. When we were together he took forever to meet me, and when he did come and see me, we had amazing s**. The feeling of being able to see him after a while was exhilarating. Because me and my current partner live together, it’s not exhilarating as we see each other every day and spend a lot of time together. The s** is great too, in fact he is technically better with me for a few different reasons that the ex, but it was different with him. When the ex was finally on his way to my home, my heart would beat so fast. I was so nervous every single time, so the sensation of him felt so amazing, like nothing else I have experienced. If I saw him now, it would be that same feeling of consuming him because of not seeing him for a while. We broke up on good terms, even though we had a toxic relationship. I know that seeing him will not take away this feeling, even if it was a one last time. I know I will want to see him again and again. Even seeing him just once will create enough guilt that I will feel the need to confess to my partner that I have cheated on him (if I do go and meet the ex) and we will break up, and I will lose him forever. Even if he gave me another chance, I can’t bare the thought of breaking his trust. I’d rather live with this temptation for the rest of my life if it means protecting my partner from feeling betrayed by me.