I broke up with my girlfriend 5 years ago. I loved her dearly but we fought all the time and it destroyed me. I couldn’t help but feel like I was failing as a human being being unable to make this person I loved happy.

Five years later, I still think about her every day. Often she’s the first thing that pops into my brain when I wake up, and many times, despite my best efforts, she’s the last thing I think about before falling asleep.

It crushes me.

I’ve done so much to try to move on. I don’t follow her on social media (and haven’t for years), I’ve deleted all our mutual photos, and we don’t have any contact with each other. I’ve gone to therapy. Read tons of self-help books about the subject. I’m even on meds now to help with the depression.

And still… doesn’t help. She’s still there, taking up rent in my head.

I’ve gone from a guy who dated lots and had wonderful relationships to a guy scared to pursue anything romantic with anyone. Even when women pursue me, which miraculously they still do, I have to shut them down.

I don’t want to give up on love… but I’m not sure how can I engage with anyone romantically when I feel like I’m not worthy of love.

Thankfully, the rest of my life is going great. My family is amazing and supportive. I love my job and I’m successful at it. I have tons of friends, fulfilling hobbies, and my health is good.

But still, deep down, I cannot help but feel like I’ve failed where it matters most. Shucks.