I (17NB) have been holding onto a secret for a while, but recently it’s been really getting to me. Only me and my stepdad know about it.

I’m starting to hate my older brother (18M). Now, I love him because he’s family, but being around him is draining. And I have justifiable reasons.

For some background; I was diagnosed with Autism at 3 years old, and my brother has always treated me differently for it; in very manipulative ways. He knew growing up that us autistics usually have a really hard time knowing when we’re being lied to or manipulated, so growing up he would blackmail me into dirty work for him, he would verbally harass and threaten me until I did what he wanted, and would physically hurt me if I didn’t listen to his orders. (When I was (12F) and he was (14M), I told my mother about what he was doing to me because of an incident of police showing up to the mall my brother brought me to because he was screaming, in publice, that we was planning on bashing my face in if I didn’t help him look for cigarettes on the ground. My mother put a very immediate stop on his physical violence, but the manipulative side of him stayed and got much worse). On November 8th 2022, our mother committed suicide after an 18 month battle with throat cancer and lifelong mitochondrial myopathy. And after that, my brother started changing for the worse again.

My brother (18m) does literally nothing. He does no chores in our house, doesn’t shower for weeks at times, does not clean his clothes, doesn’t go outside, and has no job. He is failing high school so badly that he is going to have to be a super-SUPER senior because he just refuses to do his work. All he really does is stay in his room, eat, sleep, and play video games. The only times he leaves the house is to go to school to do nothing or get in cars with people when he said he’d go on a walk. And with the loss of our mom, I don’t blame him for being more lethargic and not wanting to do anything; but this has been going on for years. All through his life he’s made the effort to prioritize video games over school; all the way from playing COD on xbox360 in 3rd grade to now, quite literally neglecting all of his education to play video games. But even worse, he’s started mixing hard drugs into his daily activities.

My brother has had substance issues on and on since middle school, starting out with just weed and moving up to cocaine. But recently, he’s been trying to hide using hard drugs and me and my stepdad are both fully aware that he’s doing this. The other day, we watched him leave school and hop in a car with someone (we were intentionally spying on him to make sure he was telling the truth of walking home). He came home later that night, around 6, talking about how he went on a walk around town and cleared his head while he was obviously doped on something.

My brother has also been stealing my stuff. But at first it went from random tips I got from work the night before to all of my lighters to random objects, like little trinkets and figurines I have on my shelf. I tried confronting him about it, but he said I deserved it because I was a klepto as a much younger kid; but so was he. So I’ve left it alone, because I know I can never be in the right when it comes ot arguing with him.

My stepdad has been trying really hard to be gentle on him with discipling his habits because he knows anything else would make my brother explode. He’s taken his phone away so he can’t get drugs, he’s been pee-testing him, and my brother has no idea that I know every detail of what’s happening, and so does my stepdad.

It’s been very hard living with him. All he does is want and ask for stuff and want more and gives nothing in return, and he’s starting to expect me to get him things like share my cigarettes with him (for reference; yes we both smoke underage, I’m not proud of it but it’s a habit I have.We also both used to smoke weed underage as well, but he grew an allergy to it so he quit. He used to do the same thing with my weed as well) and refuses to leave my room until I give him one. We’ll walk to school and he’ll beg me to buy him snacks from the store beforehand, and will chew me out and insult me if I don’t. When I do, he ends up taking them and skipping school to be found eating them at home in his room playing more video games.

Personally, him being in my life feels like a big weight on my shoulders. I’ve struggled taking care of myself since I was little, mainly because of cognitive issues making tasks difficult for me, and by middle school I was diagnosed with multiple disorders. I’ve always had very bad mental health and began attempting in middle school. But in this past year I’ve been trying to get myself off the ground and actually do something with my life; I’ve gotten my first job, I try to work hard in school even when my mental health is low, I’m saving up for my own trailer on day, and I’m trying to get myself prepared for when I inevitably am the only one I can rely on. I’ve been becoming more mature over the past year as well, and during that time it’s become very difficult to get along with my brother. It feels like he’s an overgrown man child with less maturity than me, I know it sounds bad, but it’s true. He has been weighing down on my social life, my right to privacy, and my happiness overall. Being around him feels like it drains the soul out of me.

My stepdad is planning on giving my brother an ultimatum; he needs to clean up his act and do something with his life, or he needs to be out of the house by his 19th birthday (April) and isn’t allowed back. I hate that we can’t trust my brother and want him gone right after our mother passed, but it’s not healthy for us to live with him. He is not good for us to be around, no matter how much we love him.