I fell in love with my bestfriend. I'm in a good relationship with my boyfriend and didn't expect to like my friend but I started to at school. Eventually

4 years

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I fell in love with my bestfriend. I’m in a good relationship with my boyfriend and didn’t expect to like my friend but I started to at school. Eventually we started hanging out after school and one night we got drunk and made out. It only progressed and around this time I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me for 8 months. To get back at him I kissed my friend and he fell in love with me. Most recently when I went over to his house after telling my bf what happened the first couple times he banned me from seeing him. I gave my friend a b******* and I’m so disappointed and disgusted with myself. I’m trying to chsnge, I’m trying to be a better person. It makes me sick that I did that in the first place. I should’ve left when I felt impulsive, I should’ve just went home but I didn’t. He’s changed and I still feel sick and guilty. My friend loves me, my boyfriend loves me and I don’t know what to do. I feel like killing myself sometimes because of it, but I know that suffering is the best virtue.telling him isn’t an option so, here I am. S*** people exist and I’m one of them.

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I don’t really have any place other to turn to than an anonymous confession site. I’m 32f, I’ve started to have fantasies about dogs and being mounted. No real place to safely talk about it, and not sure how to event process why I think about just. Just feel mostly embarrassed and alone.

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I’m plagued with thoughts of r*** and homocide and I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t think I can. It feels me with immense guilt, especially when the person that I’m looking at, thinking of, doesn’t even know what kind of sick and terrible things I want to do to them. It’s sick. And unfortunately those thoughts have been worsening lately. They’ve gotten so extreme that I’m afraid I’m going to give in to them soon.