Trigger warning. My daughter can never know how much her very existence kills me every day. Her twin sister died when they were 3 weeks old (both had the

4 years

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Trigger warning.
My daughter can never know how much her very existence kills me every day. Her twin sister died when they were 3 weeks old (both had the same f#cked up infection) She started having
life threatening seizures not long after, talking multiple resuscitations a day. There were days that I prayed to God and just said, you know what, take her too, this way if I killed myself, it’d be understandable. Don’t get me wrong, I love her and am so grateful that we have this time. But since we’re once again in the ER resuscitation room, I’m finding it hard to survive. I haven’t breathed in 2 years, and counting. This constant fear and guilt will be the death of me.

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Porsche Cayman in Gütersloh

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I’m plagued with thoughts of r*** and homocide and I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t think I can. It feels me with immense guilt, especially when the person that I’m looking at, thinking of, doesn’t even know what kind of sick and terrible things I want to do to them. It’s sick. And unfortunately those thoughts have been worsening lately. They’ve gotten so extreme that I’m afraid I’m going to give in to them soon.