I indirectly killed my pet cockatiel. I bought the cockatiel from a breeder less than a month ago and the cockatiel was shipped to my home through regular courier service. It’s my first cockatiel and I’ve never had one before. The cockatiel is quite beautiful and quite tame. But it’s also quite sickly, could be due to the breeder selling me a sick cockatiel or the cockatiel got sick while being transported through the country by the courier company. I have always been quite gentle with the cockatiel and nursed it through an episode of diarrhea. Two days ago I was working from home as usual and decided to let the cockatiel keep me company while I was working. But I didn’t want any poop so I put the cockatiel in a box next to my desk. However the cockatiel kept trying to leave the box and fly around my room. I became annoyed so decided to put the cockatiel inside its carrier cage and the cage on my desk. As the cockatiel looked pretty cute while inside the cage, I tried taking pictures but the cockatiel was moving too fast for me to get a good picture. That was when I lost my patience. I decided to let my cockatiel eat its food first. While trying to let the cockatiel leave its carrier cage, I tilted the cage upside down with the door open and shook the cage to let gravity do its thing. The cockatiel being relatively large inside its cage flailed around helplessly before dropping onto the ground with a thud and a yelp. Then after it has finished its food I kept it in a cage on my desk while I worked. The next morning the cockatiel had its poop stuck on its feet, tail and edges of its wings. This is nothing unusual but in retrospect probably due to its diarrhea. So being a clean freak I decided to clean up the cockatiel. I used alcohol wipes to clean its feet, tail and wings and I might have used a bit too much force as the cockatiel was screaming while I cleaned up the mess. Only later did I realise I shouldn’t have used alcohol wipes as alcohol fume is poisonous to birds. The cockatiel slept for an entire day and woke up at around 4pm to eat. After it finished eating I played with it for a bit but the cockatiel was terrified of me and tried to hide under the sofa. I got really angry because it was a hassle moving the sofa to get the cockatiel. I dabbed some water on a tissue to clean the cockatiel because it was covered in dust. The cockatiel screamed while I cleaned it. Later that night the cockatiel ate its food with a good appetite and everything seems perfect. When I put the cockatiel to bed it was softly vocalising in pain but I didn’t know what to do so I ignored it. Sometimes the cockatiel was quiet and maybe sleeping. A few hours later I checked on the cockatiel and saw some poop stain on it and so again I cleaned its wings and feet. I might have used too much force or maybe the cockatiel struggled too much so 2 feathers became loose and fell off. In retrospect that might have further traumatised the bird and made it cold. Then seeing that the cockatiel won’t stop vocalising I offered food to it but it won’t eat. It also won’t balance and perch on my finger anymore. I became scared but also thought it might be sleepy that’s why it didn’t perch on my finger. At first I wanted to wait until morning to check on it but it kept vocalising and later it won’t even stand upright. Instead it dropped to its side and was on the brink of dying. So I immediately alerted my family to see what to do. We tried to keep the bird warm using a radiator, fed it honey diluted in water to revive it, fed it medicine for killing bird parasites. We had to force the water and medication through a syringe and it was horrible seeing the bird becoming so weak and helpless. Eventually we had to use paper rolls to prop the bird up so it doesn’t collapse to its side. It continued to live for several hours. I kept watch over it and cried and apologised to it for my rough handling of it. The bird was breathing with its mouth open and that gave me hope. I watched its little back rising and falling while it breathed knowing that it’s still alive. While I was about to go to the restroom, the bird suddenly moved one of its wings, and dropped to one side and stopped breathing. It was 5am in the morning by then. It was a ghastly sight with stiff wings and purple feet. Just a few hours ago the bird was very alive and walking around and eating a lot despite my abuse of it. I was devastated, cried for hours, slept, cried for more. I buried the bird (inside a tea can) under a tree in front of my house. And now it’s almost midnight and I still can’t believe the bird died today. I have a budgie who kept loudly chirping today to look for the cockatiel. Deep inside I know that I killed my cockatiel due to my rough handling of it. I was stressed by work and study, and took out my anger on the poor and helpless cockatiel. In front of my family, I blamed the incident on the breeder, scolded the breeder and the breeder agreed to give me a full refund as the cockatiel was bought less than a month ago. The cockatiel was only 2 months old when I bought it. It was only a baby cockatiel. I am so so sad but I know it’s my fault. My rough handling of the cockatiel (abuse) hastened its death. Even though the cockatiel was already under the weather before I began my abuse, it still could have lived for a while if I cared for it and refrained from rough handling of it and obsessively cleaning it with alcohol or tissue soaked in cold water. It’s autumn in my place so the weather is a bit too cold for the cockatiel. I am so sorry my poor baby cockatiel. Rest in peace Gang Gang (10.6.2022-10.30.2022)