Ok, here it goes, I'm a male. 85% of the time i feel fem, 15% of the time male, I purge my closet a couple times a year and tell my self I'm not being

4 years

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Ok, here it goes, I’m a male. 85% of the time i feel fem, 15% of the time male, I purge my closet a couple times a year and tell my self I’m not being trans anymore, buttttt….i keep going back to fem tendencies. Help

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I’m plagued with thoughts of r*** and homocide and I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t think I can. It feels me with immense guilt, especially when the person that I’m looking at, thinking of, doesn’t even know what kind of sick and terrible things I want to do to them. It’s sick. And unfortunately those thoughts have been worsening lately. They’ve gotten so extreme that I’m afraid I’m going to give in to them soon.