I day dream a lot of seeing her hold my hand as we sit beside each other, talking about random nonsense as we laugh without a care in the world. I like to

4 years

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I day dream a lot of seeing her hold my hand as we sit beside each other, talking about random nonsense as we laugh without a care in the world. I like to imagine us being together and enjoying each other’s company, I like to fantasize about being in a relationship with her but I know it won’t happen because she likes someone else in our group of friends. Is it bad that I wished she looked at me instead of him? It probably is, it’s very selfish of me but I can’t help it,I love her.

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I’m plagued with thoughts of r*** and homocide and I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t think I can. It feels me with immense guilt, especially when the person that I’m looking at, thinking of, doesn’t even know what kind of sick and terrible things I want to do to them. It’s sick. And unfortunately those thoughts have been worsening lately. They’ve gotten so extreme that I’m afraid I’m going to give in to them soon.