i am 16 years old and i am a p********. i have been one for some time. i was completely clean from looking at cp up until somewhere around 8 months ago, and i haven’t stayed clean for long since. i feel really f****** sick and disgusting, i don’t know why i have such a strong urge to look at and pleasure myself to these things. i feel terrible doing it. i know that i definitely have a p***/s** addiction, even though i am still a virgin. i was first exposed to p*** when i was 4-6 years old. during middle school, my pedophilia and pervertedness reached an all-time high. i even recorded secret videos during class of my classmates and then jerked off to them later at home. my mother found out towards the end of middle school, maybe a year before i considered myself clean. i really f****** need help, but i am too ashamed to tell my therapist. i tell her pretty much everything except for this one thing. i know she has likely not dealt with anything like this before. even though i feel like my life is improving, i keep falling back into this terrible habit. i developed a habit of vaping and smoking, became clean over 2 months ago, and but i still always come back to this. i know every single person in my life except for my mother would despise me if i confessed this information, even my best friends. i hope people start to realize that pedophilia is a mental condition, and that people really f****** struggle with it. i despise anyone who has abused kids or tried to rationalize it. i have had such intense urges to do things, especially at the peak of my puberty. i am happy to say though, that i have never acted on my desires on actual children or ever bought/supported/asked for anything like that. i hope i will be able to tell my therapist soon, i have been thinking about it alot. wish me luck