I confessed to a former student why I came on to him in high school. I was caught with many students over a 30-35 year span. I wasn’t thrown in jail because I am female and was seen as an excellent teacher. I was. My best quality.

I slept with 14-18 year olds for decades and it was covered up because of friends and my teaching acumen. A couple of men about a decade ago who I was involved with years before when they were in their teens and my former students, brought about a lawsuit. They deemed s***** advances by myself and the s***** relationships we had at such a young age ruined them mentally. It unfortunately did.

I will say though at the time for some reason I was amazed. I would have thought they felt like heroes having s** with a woman, and an attractive, older woman which I was. What I didn’t understand because I was either in denial or full of myself was they had me very young, and after I was gone they fell apart emotionally.

In response to these lawsuits the school forced me into retirement and they settled with something behind the scenes. Evidently, that put it to bed without it coming out fully but those in the know knew and all those boys I slept with know and know.

I got away with it and there was lots. They announce it as retiring to curb things when it was anything but. I was forced to which bothers me, but I was also very guilty. I value my life as an educator which is what I was best at but I now realize I may have been the best at ruining people’s lives.

I never once thought of the possible mental anguish s** could cause. I came onto many and it was brushed off as flirting. It wasn’t. I wanted it and often got it. I think of those boys that didn’t get it when I put it out there and slept with another. How disgusting and evil I was. There are reasons.

I was the guilty and sick one and I have to live with that but only in personal shame when it suits me. I got away with it after all. Many of us do. I feel bad for all the men that did the same as me but were thrown in jail or worse. Because I was a pretty woman, I was given a free pass and allowed to just be seen as retiring when it was much messier and darker.

It all started when I was in my early twenties and went on until my sixties. Perhaps late 50s is more correct as I didn’t always act. I fantasized and flirted but didn’t always go further. Once I did I couldn’t stop to which in became a mere part of my daily life. I eventually became what is now seen as a predator, I just saw it as a May/December dalliance or romance.

My past and my background hindered me from being a kid and fun when younger as a child and teenager. My psychologist told me I acted out and lived it as a teacher through my male students. The adventure. The risk. The pleasure and so on.

I’m a fraud but most don’t even know this about me or pretend it’s gossip. It’s not. It’s fact and I act as if I’m just a college educator now and retired from being an English teacher from my past. This is bs.

I took what I wanted with people that were not going to say no and felt like heroes by actually having s** with an adult or babe as some would say. Now older, I hate myself. I do not regret the pleasure but I regret how I acted and lied to get what I desired. I’m even typing unlike an English teacher do hide who I am. I’m disgusting. Later, I’ll pretend I’m normal.