After my mother realized I was using the otk spanking to try to d******* myself to o*****, she gave up on trying to cure me of a m*********** addiction that was focused on her. Since she was still locking the bathroom door so I could not see her naked and since i was so consumed by it i got to the point that I could not successfully m*********, it was weeks of frustration. She still had me doing the laundry changing my bedsheets daily but eventually it became obvious that i was not doing so because since I could not sucxessfully m********* there was no need. She eventually asked and I had to deal with the embarassment of admitting I had lost the ability to do so. She said maybe it was for the best. We talked very little and she left me to hang out in my room most of the time. It was in the 70s and with no father i had no access to p***. It was during this time that i turned 16 and she made the point of telling me she wanted us to have a good day. And we did. But since it was my birthday and I was with her a lot it became difficult to not think about it because all I could think about was what I already knew she looked like under her clothing. A couple of time she even asked me gently to not look at her that way. But overall it was a good day. As I lay awake that night having woken with an erection and while such a simple thought had not occurred to me before, I had the impulse to go into her bedroom as she slept and insanely attempt to m********* while watching her facr as she slept. Now, obviously, decades later (and i realized tbis many years ago), it was such a fucked up disrespectful predatory obscene thing to even think about much less to do. But then I was a 16 year old with an obsessive compulsion to m********* over my mother and the concept of it being a violation of her did not occur to me. So off to her bedroom door I crept, and i expected it to be locked as the bathroom door had been for weeks, but surprisingly it was not. I was nervous and afraid and ashamed and it felt like forever as i carefully opened the door and peeked in. And I was stunned. She was asleep but lying naked on the bed on her side with her back facing me. Guess it made sense in hindsight because it was summer. I had only thought that perhaps I would be able to rub myself off by seeing her face but this was more than i had expected. I tiptoed and got around to the opposite side and there she was lying visible and beautiful as she slept. I quietly rubbed my erection through my pajamas and it was so difficult to stay quiet as I had my first o***** in weeks. Not like it took long. I felt like I would pass out. I managed to quietly creep out and get back to my room. And within a few days I was daiily changing bedding again and she seemed sad when she noticed. And while that late night invasion of her gave me new things to think about, it also made thing so much worse because now I had the fucked up goal of repeating the event.