Postes yesterday about the guilt i feel about r***** my mother when young. Hit the submit button and most of the post vanished. Realize no one cares but need to get this out.
Once I fumbled my way into m*********** I did it heavily. To the point that it was barely acknowledged by my mother in the form of her telling me to change my bedsheets every couple of days without speaking about why but the reason was obvious. One morning I woke and needed to pee but she was in the bath. I was desperate so knocked on the bathroom door begged to be allowed to pee. She told me to make sure I kept my eyes averted. I did so when i walked in and managed to keep my back turned as I struggled to pee while still erect. When I finished my back was turned still and she told me to make sure I wiped the seat because peeing with an erection is never easy. I was so ashamed but did as she asked. When I turned away just wanting to leave I turned the wrong way and there she was sitting in the tub, exposed from the waist up. I froze and gawked and she just looked at me stunned. I was unable to stop looking at her bare breasts. She put her arm over her breasts and told me I needed to leave but immature sheer lust kept me looking. She told me to leave again scolding me but my hand went to my erection making a tent in my pajama pants. I still remember the wide eyed shock on her face and honestly neither of us knew what to do or think. I rubbed my erection through my pajamas and neither of us was saying a word. I could not stop myself and as timid as she was she could not speak a word. I was shaking and so ashamed of myself and embarassed but felt powerless over my filthy lust and could not stop rubbing my erection. She just sat there not moving. Then she shocked me by dropping the arm covering her breasts and I was so surprised I came in my pajama pants. As soon as I could think I ran from the bathroom to my room. Dreading the trouble I was about to be in. I hid in my room until she called my name after a while. But she only called me to have lunch. Neither of us looked each other in the eye and i felt sick for days and days but she never mentioned it. It was the start of much worse.
