Spoiler alert? This confession, bottom line, is aboutbthe guilt I carry over what to me comes down to having effectively raped my mother when I was young.
Since father died at 8 and I was an only child it was just me and mom. All i remember of him was that he was a controlling asshole who never beat us but verbally abused us. Mom never said a word back just took his cruelty like a doormat. She was such a classic housewife of the 70s that she never said a word, just slogged through financially stable widowhood and triedbher best for me. But she was not equipped to help form or raise a male child as he grew. So I was raised in total ignorance and naivete on many things but definitely about a maturing body and the basicsbof biology or sex. I only learned tidbits overheard from school friends and since I was so naive were not many of those. When wet dreams started they were confusing and I gradually fumbled my way into masturbation when I was 14. I became obsessed with it. Well beyond the already constant obsession that all teen males have with it.
