I have on many occasions, with all seriousness to the intent, considered killing myself, my mother and my dog, so they wouldn’t have to hurt if I died myself.
I have wanted to die for so long, finding reasons for my pain in my mother’s misdoings in my upbringing. She did her best, but I’ve never felt it was enough. I love her as a mother, and for that, for a long time, I’ve felt it would break her to know that I’ve killed myself, and that I wouldn’t be able to leave knowing she would feel that pain while she is alive. My dog too, he would never comprehend what would have happened, and I felt I wouldn’t want him to keep waiting for me to come home, so I should take him with me.
This too shall pass, and it has. I don’t want to die, and I no longer want to carry the guilt of my own horrible thoughts. I’m getting better, one step at a time.