I'm not a very social person, but one app I've used on and off is called Whisper. Whisper, for those who don't know, is a place exactly like this where

4 years

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I’m not a very social person, but one app I’ve used on and off is called Whisper. Whisper, for those who don’t know, is a place exactly like this where you can anonymously confess random things, and it’s a shithole. Tons of spam, illegal p***, escorts, fetish content, you name it.

However, the one thing that separates it from here is you can DM people directly. Someone made a post about getting their body rubberised, and I was confused, so I asked them what that meant. Fast forward a bit, and she reveals that she’s a 12 year old girl and has a s***** relationship with her dad. Being pretty caught off-guard, I tried my best to play along with it and have a normal conversation, but it made me feel unclean. However, there was a small part of me that was turned on by this confession, so I kept the DM open.

A couple days later, I was trolling on the app, and I snapped. I messaged this girl again to see how far I could go, and if she could send me pictures/describe the relationship. It was mostly to see how far I could push things, but a small part of me found the whole thing hot. I got a picture, and believe it or not, she was a little girl. I asked for more, but because it took so long, I started to suspect that I was being tracked and would be arrested for this. Not to mention I came to my senses and realized this was more than likely a scam. So I blocked the user and deleted Whisper.

This is scary to me for two reasons. The first is that I’m worried I may be currently tracked & later arrested for this, unrealistic as that is. But the second and much bigger reason is I feel very gross about myself. I hate that I indulged this stupid conversation, I hate that I didn’t call it out right away, I hate that I asked for pictures, all of it. I don’t get why I lack self-control to do anything, especially cuz I have never been attracted to anything underage and I never will be.

I hope I can move on from this and there are no consequences, but we’ll see.

New Confession

i injected ketamine into my right deltoid and realized i had no water to drink. by the time i was in the kitchen i was dissociated as hell trying to remind myself im a person in a kitchen trying to get ice cubes and filtered water into my tumbler

it hit much much harder than it did when i tried it in my vastus lateralis. i injected nearly 80mg which is over 1mg/kg for me. im still feeling it a little. apparently the comedown is longer than IV but way less than IN. its 3am now and i have some powder and some sterile solution left in the vial to inject into my vein. ive been trying to get the out of body ketamine experience during my trips but still havent gotten there during my last few for a while now even with needles involved. i was a little closer tonight though, without overwhelming my system or anesthetizing myself

i usually take it once every few months or so. i take medication with a needle every week so im used to them but not used to plunging the bigger thicker ones down deep into my muscle like that. the painful pressure feeling is hard to get used to. and the deep ache that lingers for a few days. i got a little sweaty and lightheaded seeing and feeling an inch of stainless steel sink into my body. there’s that animal instinct part of me that doesn’t want to shove metal into myself and cringes at what im doing but another part too that finds fascination in the sensation and resistance to the needle in the different layers of tissue.

i’ve found it fun and interesting to experiment with all the ways of administering this drug and learning more about my body along the way. exactly where the arteries run down my arms or where major nerves might be hiding.

i dont really have something to finish this off with. it was fun, painful, and interesting. the comedown for IM seems to be 2-3 hours long so far. i stayed up very late to do this. i may augment with nitrous next time.

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