I’m not a very social person, but one app I’ve used on and off is called Whisper. Whisper, for those who don’t know, is a place exactly like this where you can anonymously confess random things, and it’s a shithole. Tons of spam, illegal p***, escorts, fetish content, you name it.

However, the one thing that separates it from here is you can DM people directly. Someone made a post about getting their body rubberised, and I was confused, so I asked them what that meant. Fast forward a bit, and she reveals that she’s a 12 year old girl and has a s***** relationship with her dad. Being pretty caught off-guard, I tried my best to play along with it and have a normal conversation, but it made me feel unclean. However, there was a small part of me that was turned on by this confession, so I kept the DM open.

A couple days later, I was trolling on the app, and I snapped. I messaged this girl again to see how far I could go, and if she could send me pictures/describe the relationship. It was mostly to see how far I could push things, but a small part of me found the whole thing hot. I got a picture, and believe it or not, she was a little girl. I asked for more, but because it took so long, I started to suspect that I was being tracked and would be arrested for this. Not to mention I came to my senses and realized this was more than likely a scam. So I blocked the user and deleted Whisper.

This is scary to me for two reasons. The first is that I’m worried I may be currently tracked & later arrested for this, unrealistic as that is. But the second and much bigger reason is I feel very gross about myself. I hate that I indulged this stupid conversation, I hate that I didn’t call it out right away, I hate that I asked for pictures, all of it. I don’t get why I lack self-control to do anything, especially cuz I have never been attracted to anything underage and I never will be.

I hope I can move on from this and there are no consequences, but we’ll see.