4 years
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I cheated on my wife with a woman way out of my league. She was in a relationship with a douchebag who treated her like crap so she was lonely and kinda desperate for love. I used that to my advantage because I’m ugly and I know it. I’m 42, ugly, boring, insecure about my small p**** and balls, I can’t last in bed for more than 2 minutes, and I have feminine tendencies. She’s 35, beautiful, smart, witty, s*** as hell, charismatic, kind, caring, and she really did love me. I have no idea why, but she did. I’m a nutless b**** who couldn’t leave my wife, so I lied to her about it. I told her I did leave. I made all kinds of promises to her about a future together and she believed me. Her boyfriend found out about me and rained hell down on her. She was ready to leave him and be with me, but I’m a liar, so that can’t happen. I gave her every lie in the book. We kept talking under the radar, and I kept lying and making empty promises. I broke her. She lost all faith and trust in me and went looking for proof that I was lying to her. She found it. She hasn’t spoken to me since. My life is so lonely now. I think about her every day and live in regret. I hate that I hurt her. She was so special. That once in a lifetime girl. And she truly did love and care for me. My wife doesn’t. No one does. And I deserve it because I’m a p************. I should just kill myself so my daughter can have my life insurance money.

New Confession

i injected ketamine into my right deltoid and realized i had no water to drink. by the time i was in the kitchen i was dissociated as hell trying to remind myself im a person in a kitchen trying to get ice cubes and filtered water into my tumbler

it hit much much harder than it did when i tried it in my vastus lateralis. i injected nearly 80mg which is over 1mg/kg for me. im still feeling it a little. apparently the comedown is longer than IV but way less than IN. its 3am now and i have some powder and some sterile solution left in the vial to inject into my vein. ive been trying to get the out of body ketamine experience during my trips but still havent gotten there during my last few for a while now even with needles involved. i was a little closer tonight though, without overwhelming my system or anesthetizing myself

i usually take it once every few months or so. i take medication with a needle every week so im used to them but not used to plunging the bigger thicker ones down deep into my muscle like that. the painful pressure feeling is hard to get used to. and the deep ache that lingers for a few days. i got a little sweaty and lightheaded seeing and feeling an inch of stainless steel sink into my body. there’s that animal instinct part of me that doesn’t want to shove metal into myself and cringes at what im doing but another part too that finds fascination in the sensation and resistance to the needle in the different layers of tissue.

i’ve found it fun and interesting to experiment with all the ways of administering this drug and learning more about my body along the way. exactly where the arteries run down my arms or where major nerves might be hiding.

i dont really have something to finish this off with. it was fun, painful, and interesting. the comedown for IM seems to be 2-3 hours long so far. i stayed up very late to do this. i may augment with nitrous next time.

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