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Aha guess what??? Coincidentally after I shared a message on here regarding small animals- a family member asked if I could watch her dog while she’s away. It’s small, like some overgrown rat. I have no clue what sort it is, honestly I don’t care. I accepted the offer right away and now I’m stuck here with this small thing. It’s deaf, doesn’t audibly react to anything unless it hurts, and I absolutely love observing it’s reactions. I’m aware that I previously mentioned how I wish to leave this sort of stuff behind but this was such a perfect opportunity. A shame I cannot do what I truly wish, because I must return it to my family member. But this is quite similar to the incident with the guinea pigs, this dog just irritates me. The way it moves, the smell, the fur and it’s big f****** eyes, it drives me mad. It’s so irritating and weak I just wanna crush it with a brick or something. I’ve been thinking all day about what I’m even supposed to do with it, I can’t leave it with anything permanent or serious which s****. Honestly just wanna rip my hair out. But I have discovered that it’s quite sensitive around it’s eyes, simply bumping near them makes it whimper. I guess that’s just what I’ll do with it. Don’t know why I’m even sharing this here, I guess it’s because I can’t really talk about this anywhere else. A lot easier when people don’t know who you are I guess. Have a good day guys

New Confession

i injected ketamine into my right deltoid and realized i had no water to drink. by the time i was in the kitchen i was dissociated as hell trying to remind myself im a person in a kitchen trying to get ice cubes and filtered water into my tumbler

it hit much much harder than it did when i tried it in my vastus lateralis. i injected nearly 80mg which is over 1mg/kg for me. im still feeling it a little. apparently the comedown is longer than IV but way less than IN. its 3am now and i have some powder and some sterile solution left in the vial to inject into my vein. ive been trying to get the out of body ketamine experience during my trips but still havent gotten there during my last few for a while now even with needles involved. i was a little closer tonight though, without overwhelming my system or anesthetizing myself

i usually take it once every few months or so. i take medication with a needle every week so im used to them but not used to plunging the bigger thicker ones down deep into my muscle like that. the painful pressure feeling is hard to get used to. and the deep ache that lingers for a few days. i got a little sweaty and lightheaded seeing and feeling an inch of stainless steel sink into my body. there’s that animal instinct part of me that doesn’t want to shove metal into myself and cringes at what im doing but another part too that finds fascination in the sensation and resistance to the needle in the different layers of tissue.

i’ve found it fun and interesting to experiment with all the ways of administering this drug and learning more about my body along the way. exactly where the arteries run down my arms or where major nerves might be hiding.

i dont really have something to finish this off with. it was fun, painful, and interesting. the comedown for IM seems to be 2-3 hours long so far. i stayed up very late to do this. i may augment with nitrous next time.

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