• 1 week ago

i don’t love my disabled brother and i hate myself for it. he’s so difficult to live with. my mom has a friend who also has a disabled child, and he’s always bragging online about how amazing the bond is between his disabled child and his non disabled child, and how his non disabled child is the perfect, most understanding, supportive sibling. i can’t be that. i resent him for what he’s taken from me. i resent him for how my father clearly loves him more. i resent him for making life so hard for my mother. i resent for the fact that i’ve never in my life been able to have both my parents at an event because he can’t be alone. i resent him for the fact that i was never able to have family vacations. i resent him for stealing my food, throwing away hundreds of dollars worth of beauty products, crying and waking me up at 8am, and everything else. i don’t hate him, and i won’t leave him after my parents die, i’ll make sure he’s cared for. i know he can’t help it. but i don’t love him. i just don’t. i don’t have any connection to him. i tried my best, but i’ve never felt it. i feel like a horrible fucking person.