• 1 week ago

I am the most grossly obsessive person i feel like has roamed this earth. Im disgusted with myself and my thoughts. Its compulsive. I tell myself over and over itll be the last time i check their social media to see if they followed someone or if anyone followed them but it goes on for hours, I check their snap score to see if they have texted anyone, i look up places they say they are going to try to find people posting from there at the same time they were there, i dont only stalk them but i stalk everyone that follows them. There’s this one girl who I found out what city she’s from and stalked all of her friends to find out stuff about her. i stalk their friends i stalk their exes i stalk everyone they interact with. One of the worst things I’ve been able to find is what Jean size their ex wears. I am gross, I am absolutely vile. I know it’s unhealthy. I know I need help. I try to tell myself it’s okay because im not directly harming them. I never say anything, i never start arguments i never bring stuff up i never tell anyone because I know other people who think like me become emotionally abusive and controlling. I don’t want to be a bad person, i dont want to be like this. I get physically nauseous from jealousy, i stay up until 8-11am obsessively checking their social media until i remind myself there’s nothing i can do even if they do follow someone. This is affecting me both mentally and physically. I want to feel peace for just a single second of the day, this invades my every thought.