I was involved in a car crash two months ago, and only fractured a couple vertebrae and had some large bruises. The car is completely totaled, and the only reason I am alive and not too severely injured is because of the airbags. Even though I am grateful of life and my ability to walk, I still do sometimes wish I didn’t survive, and that makes me feel extremely guilty. I know that if I did pass, my friend who was driving would never forgive himself, and that partially stops me from thinking about the “what if”. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, everyone involved in the accident survived with minor external cuts and bruising. I was the only one with fractures and internal damage.

During the first month of my recovery, my mom said, verbatim, “It is your fault you’re hurt”, disregarding the fact I was not even the one behind the wheel. I did nothing to distract my friend while he drove. Throughout my recovery, especially now that I am more mobile, my mom has continued to insinuate that I am at fault for what happened. I think that plays a role in making me wish I didn’t survive.