Why don't i finally kill myself. i kept telling myself that my previous work and studies were the major source of my depression. now i have a great job

4 years

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Why don’t i finally kill myself. i kept telling myself that my previous work and studies were the major source of my depression.
now i have a great job and work with people I like and have all the time in the world for my hobbies.
and i still am miserable, i still hurt those I love like I have no self control.
i still don’t see any actual point to waking up other then force of habit.

please god i just want the strength to end it please im so tired.

New Confession

I slipped and fell into a pond at the park and hit my head on a rock and was knocked out. A man was walking by and jumped in and pulled me out. He ‘saved my life’ before I drowned.

I am not free. I belong to him now. He is very possessive of me and he keeps me on a short leash. I don’t want to marry him, and I don’t want to have his kids. While I was in the hospital he pulled my sheets back and looked under my gown. That’s what he wants. He wants it really bad. I can’t count the number of times he has put his finger there, because he can.

He has given me until I finish with my degree next year and then I have to start having kids. He wants at least four.

Related Confessions

There’s this girl who works in the same company at the mall that I do who I’m pretty obsessed with (even though she’s married). I’m always checking her out. Lately, I haven’t seen her in a while, but in the past, I used to sniff the chairs she sat on, and one time she left her stuff at work. So I sniffed her jacket, licked the mouth area of her water bottle, I stole a tampon from her jacket because it has her scent, and I used the lotion she uses to rub on my d*** and balls. If I could’ve, I would’ve came on her jacket.