i lied about suicide attempts to manipulate people into staying. it was before i knew i had bpd but im so ashamed and thats not an excuse. they didnt even

4 years

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i lied about suicide attempts to manipulate people into staying. it was before i knew i had bpd but im so ashamed and thats not an excuse. they didnt even stay. i understand why and i dont blame them. i wish them the absolute best.
i have had the intent to commit suicide many times before and only once did i ever actually do something about it and one of the people i wanted to stay actually stopped me. i feel so bad for causing him that trauma. he was in the room and saw me grab the bottle of pills.
i did so many things bc i didnt feel like i was shown any attention or love since i was a gifted kid. my parents didnt need to worry about me bc i always did as i was told but nothing ever was good enough for my mom and my poor dad always worked late so he was exhausted by the time he got home.
i am healing and growing but its hard to stop myself from reverting back to that scared 15 year old who just wanted to feel wanted.

New Confession

Just because I have bipolar disorder doesn’t mean it’s the bipolar to blame. It’s the f****** stress these assholes and b****** and the fucked up government systems p****** me clean the f*** off. It’s called a load of f****** stress. My bipolar disorder alone is not the main cause of my irritability. People need to stop f****** p****** me off.

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