I grew up really poor-like immigrated here, lived in a shed for a winter, moved around a lot, did not have basic thigns at home like food or electricity

4 years

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I grew up really poor-like immigrated here, lived in a shed for a winter, moved around a lot, did not have basic thigns at home like food or electricity or showers. I started working with my dad when I was 12, and I always knew that we were really poor and we never asked for things bc obviously there wasn’t food, we werent’ getting dance classes lol. So I move out and work full-time as a teen, always with at least one, usually two jobs. Now that I have kids, I have guilt for what they miss out on. The problem is that we are doing well, we have what we need, but I can’t seem to enjoy it bc it’s not quite as comfortable as I had fantasized as a kid. I want to get my dad a place to live, and help fix his teeth and my sister’s teeth, and I wish when my kids asked for an expensive toy that I could just buy it, instead of make up excuses like it is out of stock for right now so the kids won’t think we don’t have money.
It is made worse that we worked hard to get them into a nice school…but now it is so expensive for everytnint they need such as skis, and so much gear! And even worse they have friends that all have pools and nice houses and nice moms who have nice hair bc they have a nice life where it isn’t 16 hours a day of working and then more work and no time to yourself. My kids can’t know that I don’t have nice hair and clothes or a beautifully decorated house because both my husband and I have to work all the time to make ends meet. I know I am doing a good job, it just hurts my feelings to hear my daughters talk about how pretty and nice their friends’ moms are, how fancy the houses are, how they have a pool and outdoor furniture while we don’t have a kitchen table or a couch yet but we are looking for a good deal.

It’s just so hard when everything seems to be about money, even when I know it is not.

New Confession

Just because I have bipolar disorder doesn’t mean it’s the bipolar to blame. It’s the f****** stress these assholes and b****** and the fucked up government systems p****** me clean the f*** off. It’s called a load of f****** stress. My bipolar disorder alone is not the main cause of my irritability. People need to stop f****** p****** me off.

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I am 41 and married. For the past several months, I have been having innocent lunches with a younger guy who calls on our company. Last month after lunch he said he needed to stop at his motel to pick up some packages he needed to mail. It was hot so he offered to leave the car running or I can go in and watch TV while he prepared the packages so I went in with him.. Once he finished the packages he turned and casually kissed me, but it quickly became very passionate and we ended up on the bed. I told him I didn’t want to do anything, but he ran his hand up my skirt quickly finding what he was interested in. I told him again I didn’t want to do anything but after another passionate kiss and what he was doing he embraced me saying it didn’t feel like I wasn’t interested in doing anything I told him that wasn’t it but that I couldn’t because I wasn’t on birth control and my husband had had a vasectomy and I didn’t want to take a chance of getting pregnant but by that time he had gotten me extremely aroused so I told him if he used a condom I would. When he said he didn’t have one I asked him why he would get me in that condition and not be prepared. All it took for him to convince me to have unprotected s** was to say he would buy me a morning after pill This s** was incredible with me having a massive o***** when I felt him c****** inside me. After that then stopping to get the Plan B making up the excuse for why I was an hour late getting back to work from lunch wasn’t very convincing so I took a lot of ribbing from the other girls in the office. Then a week later when my period was due it didn’t come. I figured the pill had messed up my cycle but after another week I took a pregnancy test and despite taking the Plan B, I had gotten pregnant I haven’t told him yet but I’m going to need his help in getting an abortion to save my marriage.