I made a huge mistake and got into a relationship with a woman and her kid. It was great at first. I was a fantastic dad, always provided for her son and

4 years

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I made a huge mistake and got into a relationship with a woman and her kid. It was great at first.
I was a fantastic dad, always provided for her son and treated her like a princess. But now 4 years into our relationship I hate who I am and I hate this relationship. Her son is nothing but a defiant spoiled little goblin who never listens to me (and yes ME specifically.) Despite my girlfriend saying she loves me and wants to someday marry me, I can not stand her sometimes and just want her to get out of my life.
I feel guilty because of how bad I wanted this and how much we risked. She was from Florida and I was from Seattle I brought her home when she had nowhere to go. Maybe it’s depression, maybe it’s self-destructive behavior, I don’t know but what I do know is I hate the relationship I am in and talking about it changes things only temporarily. I just want to be happy again, have friends again, go and actually DO stuff instead of sitting at home and doing nothing because SHE says we can’t afford it.
I am so angry and she tries to solve my anger issues with s**, which is just a band-aid fix. I’m tired of watching her sleep in till noon or whenever she gets up while I get up to play with her kid EVERY, SINGLE, MORNING. I hate being yelled at because I picked up extra hours at work and forgot she had to work and hour after I get off.
I feel guilty for feeling this way and I hate myself which is why I haven’t just broken it off already, but I know feeling this way and not taking care of the problem is more unhealthy then just grinning and bearing it.
I swear to God if I do break-up with this girl I am DONE with relationships, forever, done, never again. It is far to much work having to think about my own mental state and I then play 20 questions with my SO about what she wants for breakfast.
Used to be cute, now I want to smack the s*** out of her everytime I tell her everything.in the fridge and freezer and her answer is “No that will bother my stomach.” Then go hungry, I’m just so done at this point.

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There’s this girl who works in the same company at the mall that I do who I’m pretty obsessed with (even though she’s married). I’m always checking her out. Lately, I haven’t seen her in a while, but in the past, I used to sniff the chairs she sat on, and one time she left her stuff at work. So I sniffed her jacket, licked the mouth area of her water bottle, I stole a tampon from her jacket because it has her scent, and I used the lotion she uses to rub on my d*** and balls. If I could’ve, I would’ve came on her jacket.