I feel like I’ve become disgusting and broken. I kept up an image of being the poster child for my whole life until I burnt out in college, but behind

4 years

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I feel like I’ve become disgusting and broken. I kept up an image of being the poster child for my whole life until I burnt out in college, but behind that image I was already always a s***** deviant. From a young age I was s******* experimenting by myself. I eventually found out about p*** late in elementary school and fell down a rabbit hole that no child should see. I learned about so many things that fundamentally changed me for the worst and became a part of me.

Tw: long list of disturbing kinks
When I burnt out, it opened some kind of mental flood gate and now I’m just a broken adult that likes getting pissed on, drinking piss, cutting and bleeding and rubbing blood on myself, getting slapped and choked, being seen as nothing but meat to be cooked and eaten, thinking about killing myself, thinking about being killed for s***** pleasure, thinking about being turned into unrecognizable gore, being dumb and stupid, being called a bimbo, getting called useless and worthless, being treated like I’m worthless, general degradation, enemas, thinking about men that I don’t know hurting me, crying, sticking fingers down my throat until I gag and tear up, shoving things deep up my a** until they bulge out behind my belly button, thinking about being forced to not shower, swallowing small objects for s***** pleasure, swallowing strangers c**, letting strangers write terrible and degrading things on my body in sharpie, and a bunch of other things that disturb me to no end. I could go on forever.

I’m also a transwoman, and I fear if anyone finds this out about me, I’ll perpetuate this idea that being trans is a mental disorder and trans people are all s***** deviants. It’s not trans people that are s******* fucked, it’s just me and I know this from being friends with other trans people. They’re all so sweet and I don’t want to drag them down with me.

I thought I’d be able to never talk about this, but it just eats away at me every day and I just have to tell someone. I can’t go on like this. I feel so alone in this, I feel so gross and disgusting, I don’t want anyone to know this about me, but if I don’t tell it will eat me alive. And not in a fun way.

I never got into s*** though. Never liked poop, thank god.

New Confession

Just because I have bipolar disorder doesn’t mean it’s the bipolar to blame. It’s the f****** stress these assholes and b****** and the fucked up government systems p****** me clean the f*** off. It’s called a load of f****** stress. My bipolar disorder alone is not the main cause of my irritability. People need to stop f****** p****** me off.

Related Confessions

I am 41 and married. For the past several months, I have been having innocent lunches with a younger guy who calls on our company. Last month after lunch he said he needed to stop at his motel to pick up some packages he needed to mail. It was hot so he offered to leave the car running or I can go in and watch TV while he prepared the packages so I went in with him.. Once he finished the packages he turned and casually kissed me, but it quickly became very passionate and we ended up on the bed. I told him I didn’t want to do anything, but he ran his hand up my skirt quickly finding what he was interested in. I told him again I didn’t want to do anything but after another passionate kiss and what he was doing he embraced me saying it didn’t feel like I wasn’t interested in doing anything I told him that wasn’t it but that I couldn’t because I wasn’t on birth control and my husband had had a vasectomy and I didn’t want to take a chance of getting pregnant but by that time he had gotten me extremely aroused so I told him if he used a condom I would. When he said he didn’t have one I asked him why he would get me in that condition and not be prepared. All it took for him to convince me to have unprotected s** was to say he would buy me a morning after pill This s** was incredible with me having a massive o***** when I felt him c****** inside me. After that then stopping to get the Plan B making up the excuse for why I was an hour late getting back to work from lunch wasn’t very convincing so I took a lot of ribbing from the other girls in the office. Then a week later when my period was due it didn’t come. I figured the pill had messed up my cycle but after another week I took a pregnancy test and despite taking the Plan B, I had gotten pregnant I haven’t told him yet but I’m going to need his help in getting an abortion to save my marriage.